So...you've managed to do well for yourself and want a little arm candy on a Saturday night? Perhaps you've been born with a golden spoon in your mouth and want a smokin' hot girlfriend?
I spent a decade in the "bowl" (as the sugar dating realm is called), and have seen the good and bad. Here's some tips that might help you on your way.
Note: I'm going to use language in this article that will assume the average Sugar Daddy is male (he/him) and the average Sugar Baby is female (she/her), simply because that is the stereotypical arrangement. Certainly, the opposite can be true, and gay/lesbian/trans relationships are out there as well; they are simply less common.
Can I afford to be a Sugar Daddy?
The first question you should ask yourself. There are a couple of factors to consider here - Income/Wealth and Generosity.
Income/Wealth: For many, this more or less rules them out of the bowl. While there are some Sugar Babies who only want the occasional gift, we're going to be realistic here. The odds are likely you will find a sugar baby who requires more than that, and we'll discuss various financial terms later. For now, let's focus on the average. In a survey of 2,000 sugar daddies & babies, the average "cost" of a sugar baby is roughly the same as renting a 1 bedroom upscale apartment in your location.
This means that every month, you need have enough disposable income or wealth to pay that much per month. At least. Some babies get more than that.
Generosity: Income/Wealth isn't the only factor - you also need to be generous with it. Ebenezer Scrooge may have had the bucks, but his miserly ways would have had any sugar baby walking. Does this mean you might lose some bucks because you are overly generous? Yes. That's the cost of being in the bowl.
Where can I find potential sugar babies?
This is a logical place to start, of course. After all, hard to be a Sugar Daddy (SD) when you can't find a Sugar Baby (SB), right?
There's really only two ways to find a potential SB - freestyling and online. Let's chat about both.
Online: Currently, there is a plethora of websites and apps available to find SBs, but the number 1 is (and likely to remain #1 for a while) Seeking. As of this writing, there are roughly 40 million users on Seeking, and even in relatively rural areas (an hour and a half outside of a 70,000 person city), there are plenty of female profiles to peruse. Sugaring is one segment of dating where there are typically many more SBs to every legitimate SD out there. You can choose to be a hunter and hide your profile except to those you interact with, or allow the free-for-all that comes from giving users other access to your profile and allowing them to message you first. Since sites like Seeking also appeal to non-sugar daters, the keys are to look in profiles for some key phrases such as "looking for someone generous" or a "mutually beneficial relationship". These are typically codes for sugar dating.
Freestyling: Freestyling is a term used in the bowl for meeting an SB (or an SD, since SBs do this too!) somewhere out in real life. It can be tricky to determine if someone is interested in becoming an SB and requires a lot of delicate conversation. Great places to meet potential SBs include upscale bars, restaurants, and clubs. Other good spots include boutiques, yacht clubs, and golf courses.
OPSEC
So you've checked the boxes on income/wealth and generosity. You've decided that you are going to pop onto a sugaring site. Now what?
Now we worry about OPSEC (operational security). SDs are prone to scams and blackmail. While this pales in comparison to the risks SBs have of violence, SDs still need to protect themselves as best they can. Here are a few tips to help:
1. Don't use pictures on your sugar site profiles that you use elsewhere. If possible, only show one side of your face in each picture. These will frustrate attempts to find out more personal information than you wish to reveal before that trust is established.
2. Get a burner number. Moving off sugaring sites will happen much quicker than in other dating sites. Only a fool uses their real number in online dating - at least until trust is established. Google Voice and Burner offer free/cheap solutions, as do a variety of other apps. I like Burner. For about $30/month, I can have ten virtual phone numbers.
3. Don't give a significant amount of money before meeting. Small amounts, such as enough to cover an Uber to your first meeting, make sense. Even then, there is the chance of a scam, but that's part of the business.
Meet & Greet
So, you've checked the boxes so far and you've found a potential SB (called a POT). What next?
Just like in other forms of online dating, it's time to meet them in public. I like to do coffee for a first meeting. It allows us to flex that time into something longer if it is going well, like a walk, or an impromptu shopping trip. Others prefer dinner or drinks. Regardless, there are a few things to discuss and assure you are on the same page before you begin an arrangement:
- Is there physical, in-person chemistry?
-Is this person the same person who communicated with you up to that point?
-What is the financial expectation?
-How often will you have dates?
-Allowance or PPM? (see below)
Keeping in mind that you are showing her that you are the person you claim to be online as well, so now is your time to be a little generous. I always picked up the bill, gave her a bit for travel, and a small gift. I tried to personalize this to be something she likes, or if the date is going well, perhaps that impromptu shopping trip.
Assuming all goes well, then it is time to set up your first intimate date. Good luck!
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